i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
