Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize