I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
