is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize