we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize