My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
