You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
