do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
