i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
