Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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