I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
