I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
