Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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