Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
