Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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