btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
