I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize