i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
