Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize