I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Panties = found
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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