I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
