she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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