Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
