R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
