Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
