Well apparently he's into motor boating.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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