I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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