I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
