why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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