come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
