Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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