You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize