Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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