I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
