HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
