If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
