I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
