Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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