He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
