??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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