It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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