And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
