I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
