i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
