she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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