I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
