Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
