I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
