Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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