for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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