Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
