Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
