but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
