cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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