Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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