I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
