I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My friends, they love my intelligence
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
