when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
