So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
