If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
