Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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