then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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