im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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