and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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