More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
