Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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