If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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