obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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