So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
