Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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