All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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