It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize