Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
