I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
